Various horrible companies vie for the title of official beer of the NBA, the L.A. Lakers, the United States…whatever. My intention in this article is to properly analyze the Lakers and Los Angeles to determine the perfect beer to represent the team, it’s fans, and the novocaine necessary to watch them.

The nominees:

1. Budweiser- It’s the official beer of everything. In my entire life I’ve never met a person that has told me Budweiser is their favorite beer. Bud heavy will get you drunk, but so will every other beer on the market. Bud is the McDonald’s of the beer world, but because of its universality it doesn’t seem to define the Lakers, much less anything.

2. Tecate- This feels like a soccer beer. Tecate is Mexican sure, and also cheap, but does that really represent the Lakers? The tickets to the game will kill your wallet, so maybe you need to skimp on the beer, but Tecate is a canned low class beer. Jack Nicholson would never drink Tecate.
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