Aren't you excited?!?! THE NFL IS BACK! OH thats right, just not in Los Angeles... While talks are getting stronger regarding Farmers Field being built, we can see a team coming to Los Angeles in the year 2016 so don't hold your breath just yet. Raiders, Chargers, Bills, Rams, Jaguars and the Vikings are all rumored to be persuaded to come play in LA but will any of their team names stick? Besides the Raiders & Rams it would be kind of odd to say "Los Angeles" before any of those names. So here at FEAR LA have decided to come up with some solutions to better market the LA area with new team names.
LOS ANGELES JAGUARES
If the Jaguars decide to come down from Jacksonville then they have to properly blend in with the community. Not only will they have to change their name to the Jaguares but also have the actual rock en espanol band perform during halftime. If you plan on joining the 76,000 hispanics to watch football, drink and party then make sure to bring a condom because we don't use them. But if that name doesn't fly with you then we can always cater to the audience and change it into a different animal that happens to be a feline.
LOS ANGELES PANTERA
See what I did there? Not only does it cater to the hispanic community but also the rednecks from Texas and we don't have to come up with a new logo or slogan! It literally writes itself! We can watch football teams clash as they perform the Wall of Death and watch the cheerleaders circle pit around the arena. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR... FUCKING HOSTILE!
LOS ANGELES HIPSTERS
You know whats not cool? An LA football team that isn't the Raiders. So why not cater to the assholes in Silverlake, Echo Park and Los Feliz by naming the new football team the LA Hipsters? Not only will PBR be on tap at Farmer's field but during halftime there can be a flea market and art show. Then we lock the doors and blow the motherfuckers up. GO HIPSTERS!
LOS ANGELES AVENGERS
Even though the Arena Football Team folded back in 2009, I dont think LA is ready for the Avengers to come back. Who the hell are they Avenging anyway? If theres one past LA team that I wouldnt mind bringing back it would have to be the next team...
LOS ANGELES XTREME
THATS RIGHT! Straight from the XFL graveyard! Hell the first and last season of the XFL they finished in first place and won the Million Dollar Game. Not only that but "Xtreme" fits the city of LA. We're assholes, violent and have terrible grammar.
OAKLAND RAIDERS of LOS ANGELES
Out of all the team names we have on here, this is the only one that I can agree and hope they pick. I dont think anyone from LA noticed that the Raiders moved back to Oakland but I think the bigger question is do Oakland fans even give a shit that they're there? The Raiders were far more missed here than Oakland so why not just combine the two cities like the head honcho dickheads over at Angel Stadium. But it probably wont happen because
Mr. Burns Al Davis wont die from natural causes. You would have to stab his heart with the Horn of Dagoth and no man is brave enough to fetch it from the insides of Donald Sterling.